Here's to 2016

Here is my 1^st blog in 2016. I meant to do this on New Year’s Eve but

the party refused to die down. And the aftermath is a dent so deep in my pockets am suspecting it must have gotten to my skin. That’s a story for another day.

But it’s never too late for resolutions, I mean come on, don’t we all look forward to making those promises to ourselves we know we won’t keep? 2015 has been so busy; I might have bitten a bit too much for my tiny mouth. Looking back though, I must admit am a little bit surprised at how fast time flew. I feel cheated of some days and hours. Think I will speak to guy above and get a refund or some saucer like how we demand for that ugali saucer like it’s our birth right, it’s like a part of the freedom our forefathers fought so hard for against the colonialists. And I can picture the maumau fighters armed with machetes, spears and shields hailing freedom and ugali saucer while gaining territory against the white man. And at the point of freedom a long speech, of how well deserved the freedom was, how the battle was tough and of the darker days to follow. And I would imagine our founding president finishing it off with that being said, nobody and I mean no one will be denied an ugali saucer, quite a dramatic ending as people cheered and fireworks lit the skies. Anyway you get the point.

I can’t believe how far I digressed from my intended topic for such a minute distraction, it’s tough being a guy.

So here is how I start off my 2016. From the first sentences you can already tell I am money hungry. 2016 is a year to make money. I feel this money hungry beast within me rattle the cages of my being trying to get out there and amass as much as it can. And guess what, I am not even going to put it on a leash; I’ll just sit back and watch it go. I figure I will follow trail and keep safe whatever it puts down. I have come to tire of the conventional ways of making money, sitting in a dull office and enduring long hours of work. That alone will not get me to my vision 2020; I need to make more investments make bigger risks. And I feel everyone should after all we are a growing economy with so many avenues of making money and especially online. I should start charging a fee for the blog as well.  That sums up my first resolution, #making money. At times lack of hunger puts us in our comfort zone. 

Here is my second resolution that might feature in all your resolution list #Quit taking any stuff that is taken in smoke form. And that includes tea made at moms. The tea is served so hot that we take it in steam form, I have feeling that is equally harmful. The kettles and flask should come with a warning similar to the one on cigarette packs; smocking tea is smth smth harmful to your health. And then a Swahili version of the warning would follow.

And my other resolution that am sure features in all your list is quitting alcohol. Yes, this is not a hoax ladies and gentlemen and especially to those of you shaking your heads like the fellows who doubted Noah when he started building that arc. To you I say, watch this space. 

Finally I would like to keep what I started in 2015 going. It’s important to ensure the continuity of the sane things you started earlier. Remember quitting is for losers and wooses. This however does not apply to quitting the stuff mentioned earlier. If you are quitting, you shouldn’t stop quitting. My god I sound like Alfred Mutua when he was government spokesman. He literally came on air for a press briefing and gave you less than a stripper, as far as clothing and decency is concerned, at a midnight show. Boni wherever you at, am sure you can relate. And don’t ask how I know all this. 

 We wouldn’t wind up without thanking the guy above for tolerating us and having the patience of not taking us all at once. Mean some of you guys can really be annoying so trust me when I use tolerance. 

So with that here is a list of things I feel we should have left in 2015

1.        Team mafisi, let ladies catch a breath this year

2.       Ugali saucer, please note it is not your birth right, let it breath

3.       Njoki Chege, she literally gave us migraines in 2016, let Subaru drivers rest this year, pick on prius’s and Peugeots this year, we hate them equally. But really we should just leave her in 2015

4.      Xaxa n xema, to our loved ones who just cleared school, kindly spare us the agony of such heartbreaking texts. You should be decent enough to respect the noble language of the so called grey haired Englishmen. Maybe you have no clue as to who these men are but this does not warrant your disrespect for the language.

5.       Wicked wigs and nasty eyebrows, this we should leave in the 90’s